We recognize, given Danielle's age, that she should be given more freedom to be in the world unsupervised. This needs to happen so that she can be ready, or at least as ready as she can be, to launch when she turns 18.
Over the weekend we let her do something, unsupervised.
It turned out to be an epic fail. Instead of doing what she was supposed to do, she did something else, which included hanging out with people she didn't have permission to see.
Not only did she lie to us about it, she lied to the person she visited, claiming we had said it was okay. Fortunately, the person she visited became suspicious, especially after Danielle started to beg the person not to call us.
We got the call, and the gig was up.
Frustrating.
How can we give our kid the freedom she needs to develop when, each and every time, she is caught doing stuff she isn't supposed to do?
We can't trust Danielle even the tiniest little bit.
What Now?
3 years ago
This was our experience with 2 of our kids also. It is so frustrating because I wanted to trust them. I wanted them to be mature. I kept giving them chances until one day I just realized that I was setting them up to fail. I KNEW deep down that their immaturity was off the charts. I KNEW they did not have the common sense to make good choices and most importantly, I KNEW they would individually try to get away with anything they could because they were NOT going to let me call the shots as their Mom, - and yet I kept giving them chances.... I finally just said enough and told them they were welcome to do their own thing once they turned 18 and were living on their own, but until then, as long as I was going to be legally responsible for them, they'd only go where I went and do things under direct supervision by me or someone I approved of to supervise them. Of course it didn't seem fair to them (or to various other adults in our lives), but too bad. I did keep them safe until they turned 18 and yes, my dd did do everything I didn't want her to as soon as she got the chance, but it was going to happen sooner or later anyway, just not when I was financially or legally responsible for her bad decisions. I can accept my limitations and freely admit that I was out of ideas/options, but I did what I could do in the moment.
ReplyDeleteProblem is: once she turns 18, I suppose she will rush to meet "people she is not supposed to meet"... So there is no real possibility to protect her from it...
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