Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Cycle Won't Stop Here

Less than a week after Danielle left the state to go live with her biological family, she began texting FosterEema.

Danielle wanted to come home.  She claimed she had tried to make a go of it, but things just weren't working out.

Tired of Danielle's constant verbal abuse, threats, disrespect and disobedience, FosterEema politely replied that Danielle was free to do as she wished, but she would have to find somewhere else to live.  She also pointed out that a week was hardly enough time to really make a go of anything.

I won't go into all the details of the exchanged that followed.  As you can no doubt imagine, Danielle was pissed.

That very same day, Danielle posted a comment on a social media site complaining about what a terrible day it had been.  A few days later, she posted something that suggested she might be drinking.


Danielle has not contacted me.

More than anything, FosterEema and I wanted to stop the generational cycle of poverty, substance abuse and child neglect.  We wanted to make sure that Danielle was the last in her family to suffer.

I fear she has already started down the path so that the next generation will endure her fate as well.

Adoption professionals try to sell the idea of forever families and making a difference.  I'll say it's a compelling motivator.  Who doesn't want to make a positive difference in a child's life?  The idea becoming a happy forever family sounds really appealing. 

And, maybe it works out for some.

But there are some kids who are too broken, to damaged, for anyone to make a real difference in their lives.  

Did we make a difference?  Of course we did.  Still, in the larger scheme of things, I realize that we haven't broken the cycle.  


  1. You did a mitzvah. You did it in spite of your own misgivings, to support your then-spouse. What Danielle does from here on is on her. It's heartbreaking and infuriating.
    Ina, not anon.

  2. Thank god this young woman finally got out of your abusive hellhole


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