Friday, May 20, 2011

More on the Physical Costs of Special Needs Adoption

In response to The Costs of Special Needs Adoption - Part IV, marythemom wrote:

Physical costs:

1. I've gotten shingles twice.

2. High stress, lowers your body's resistance/ immune system so I get sick more often (and can't afford to take the time to completely heal).

3. Scars from bites and fingernails (infected).

4. Sore muscles from the physical strain of physical restraints and holding my body stiffly due to tension.

5. Weight- RAD parents typically gain 20lbs a year - we eat to replace the love we don't get from the kids. 70+lbs. *sigh*

6. Mental health - I have mild bipolar, but only need medication when I'm under high stress... guess when I had to go on meds.

7. To try to get everything done, and probably partly as a symptom of my bipolar, I rarely sleep anymore. I stay up till the wee hours of the morning, reading blogs and other support groups, or just playing solitaire type games to destress.

8. I never go to the doctor anymore. Partly because I don't have time, but also because we don't have health insurance, because I can't get a job, because I'm home all day supervising two special needs kids.

9. And so on...

I would have included Mary's comment in my previous post, but for the fact that I'd already gone to bed when it came it.  She's absolutely spot-on with this list, and I can't really elaborate any further on what she has to say.

I absolutely understand the debilitating affects that stress and lack of sleep have on a body, and how absolutely tired my wife and I feel nearly all the time.

Thank you for sharing your list, Mary.  You are absolutely right.


  1. Amen - so funny about the shingles I have the same thing and hadn't connected it before. Stress....duh. I also have had to have HIV tests from being bitten by kids with suspect status and had doctors refuse to test me for Mono because my depression and lack of energy were obviously due to my kids issues...until I tested positive for Mono...then I needed a nap - not medication! Thanks for posting on this stuff - it's real - it's hard and it can be overwhelming!

  2. Oooh - this hits home for me. I have the weight gain, and my thyroid is now gone. I have some major dental work that I've been avoiding because I don't have the $1100 or health insurance - but my kids dental health (including braces for 7 kids) is well taken care of. Some days I feel like I can't move I'm so tired..... Stress kills. When in the world are we going to stop taking this crap and start taking care of ourselves? Our sacrifices mean NOTHING to these kids. We all need to find a balance if we haven't yet - I sure haven't. I can't work because no employer would ever put up with the constant appointments and school crises that we endure daily and I wouldn't blame them, but it sure puts us in a tight spot. I did daycare from my home when the kids were all young, but the older they got, the bigger the issues became, especially when they started school.

  3. Ditto what Mary said and Dorothy's "It's Real" statement because OMG I'm so tired of people/doctors/teachers not believing and also minimizing everything because they themselves are uneducated about FASD/RAD or whatever unseen ailment our kids from the system have going on in their brains.

    It's REAL!

    And the stress is overwhelming and lethal to our own bodies.


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