After more than a year of zero contact, with the exception of one letter that arrived a couple of weeks ago, some members of Danielle's birth family want to have contact with her again. According to a half-sibling who has spoken to them, they want to give Danielle a scolding for "messing up."
Apparently, the half-sibling has been sharing some of our conversations with the rest of the birth family.
I'm of two minds on this. On the one hand, if Danielle hears from yet another source that her behavior is unacceptable, maybe she'll change it up. On the other hand, it seems that any contact from her birth family tends to make her behavior substantially worse.
Honestly, I'm not sure that yet another lecture about her behavior will do any good. Plenty of people have talked to her about it. We've talked to her, our extended family members have talked to her. Teachers, therapists, school psychologists, social workers, behavioral aids, her half-sibling and her friends have all talked to her.
I think we are beyond the point that talking will fix anything.
I've never contemplated blocking contact from Danielle's birth family until now. Whenever they have come, we've allowed the poorly-timed letters, and phone calls. We allow regular visits, even though they are inconvenient and end up happening at our expense, with a family member who lives nearby. We even allowed a visit, when out-of-state family members showed up in town, with no advance warning, and we had conflicting plans.
Each letter, phone call and visit has caused Danielle to spiral into a new level of ugliness, disrespect, and violence towards us.
But now, I wonder if perhaps it's time to put a stop to it.
I don't feel good about contemplating this. I don't feel right in denying her contact with her birth family. Still, when Danielle amps up the dreadful behavior for days, weeks and sometimes even months after contact, I have to ask, is this really good for her?
I know that it's not good for us, because we deal with the fallout. We deal with the explosions, the disrespect, and the violence for long after the birth family has satisfied their desires.
Is birth family contact in Danielle's best interest?
I don't know.
It sure seems like it isn't. Obviously, this is something we'll take up with our therapist as well.
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