Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Burnt Bridges

Danielle is back from respite.

While she was there, she managed to completely and systematically destroy the friendship and relationship she had with our friends.

We adults are still friends, but Danielle is no longer welcome:
  • in our friends' home
  • to be left alone with their children
  • to be alone with any adult in their family
Our friends did some things for Danielle that were pretty darn nice, and she repaid them with many of the same behaviors we see at home.  They bought her a gift as an early birthday present; she didn't even bother to say thank you.

Danielle has done some serious burning of bridges with our friends.  Until now, she has always been terrible at home and a perfect angel out in public and with friends.  Now, that's changed.  I don't know whether I should be relieved, terrified, or both.


  1. Maybe these are people who will now write notarized letters for you indicating what behaviors she showed that you can then provide to your counselor and doctor....

  2. Helping her make repairs is a really important part of healing. She's used to bridges burning - she needs to learn to ask for forgiveness and to give forgiveness. Relationships grow stronger through these kinds of breaks and repairs. Hopefully.

  3. And as a side note, I never let my children alone with other people's children. It's one of the things that I have never done, and I have never learned any hard lessons (I listened and believed those that have parented hurt children before and took no chances). I think it helps them tremendously - sets them up for success, reduces likelihood of regrettable things happening.

  4. I am glad that someone else witnessed her behavior. I mean, it's sad that their family had to be subjected to whatever happened, but now there is proof that she really has issues. Maybe people will stop blaming you/theparents and focus more on actually getting Danielle the help she needs. Hopefully soon?

    But also, I guess that means you just lost the one reliable respite provider that you had, and that sucks.

    BTW, I think you are wise to take Danielle's writings of inflicting harm seriously. Yes, there is typical teenager journal drama, but then there is RAD/FASD/etc. The actual words may be the same from each, but the danger level is totally dependent on the kid and his/her issues.

    An example using some of my previous foster placements - if TheCheerleader wrote or said that she hated me and wished I would die, I would laugh it off and say too bad because I just love you to pieces. But if Shadow wrote or said the same, I would take safety precautions immediately. The difference ... TheCheerleader was a typical teenager while Shadow was a scary combination of undiagnosed RAD and FASD. I never felt safe while Shadow lived here.

    Keep us updated. And stay safe. xoxo


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