Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Nobody Will Listen

Last night, in the wake of Danielle's rage, we had an emergency meeting with the therapist.

She is going to try to make a referral to a program for more seriously ill patients, in the hopes that she will be assigned a real psychiatrist instead of having to get medication through her pediatrician.  It is clear that the medication she is on isn't doing enough.  Unfortunately, the therapist warned us that this will be a long process.

In addition, she said that we should contact our local police department.  She suggested that if the police saw the damage to the house, they might arrest her and get her involved with the juvenile justice system.  She hoped that if Danielle were given probation, it might be enough incentive to dissuade further violence.

"This isn't going to change until Danielle wants to make a change," she told us.

So true.

When we arrived home, we dutifully called police to make a report.  Their attitude was unbelievable.  They refused to look at the damages to the house, and they really exhibited an uncaring attitude.  Even though Danielle had hit me, threatened us with a weapon, and had broken her bed and the door, there was "nothing they could do."

They spoke to Danielle, who lied and claimed that we had broken the bed.  They took her side of the story, and as they left they admonished us not to piss her off.

How many stories make the news where foster and adoptive children go berserk?  How many of those tales end with shocked bystanders crying, "Why didn't someone do something before this happened?"

We are trying to do something, only nobody will listen.


  1. I know I always suggest this, but I suggest taking her to the ER. State that she is at risk to herself (as she destroyed things in the room) and that she harmed you. They should do something.

  2. I'm so sorry,I know its unfair. I echo going to the ER though. Tell them she's threatening to hurt herself and you, act urget/desperate so they will keep her there out of worries of liability. Also,I know its unfair and expensive, but go to a psychiatrist and pay privately (skip her next bday presents,camp,etc) its worth it. Go to an inner city type place that has experience. They can prescribe meds and u only have to go every 3 months or so, so not that expensive overall and is a lifesaver. Sometimes they have walk-in hours,esp in community ctrs in tougher neighborhoods,its worth the commute to get this over with. Good luck!

  3. If I didn't know from experience that it could be true, I'd think you were making this up.

    All I can say is that I'll continue to pray for all of you.

  4. Our problem is that the ER won't take her either. Danielle has a wonderful "turn it off" switch (which is why I think this is deliberate) so as soon as we call police, call the crisis line, or consider going to the ER, she just turns it off.

    Unless a kid is actively suicidal or homicidal at the moment of being brought to the ER, the hospital is powerless to do anything.

    She switches on the charm, and acts as if there is nothing wrong in the world. Unfortunately, it seems most professionals want to blame the parents and not really investigate the what's really going on, or the damage our child is causing.

    In our case, we have a second problem with ER visits. She cannot by seen by an ER physician unless her primary care physician approves. It is absolutely clear that the pediatrician is not listening to us, as every time we raise the issue of Danielle's explosions, she says, "this is the first I've heard about this." Her brilliant solution to Danielle's behavioral problems is, "withhold her allowance."

    Like that really has a prayer of working.

    1. So what's the difference between withholding allowance and withholding a curling iron?

    2. By the time we were raising behavioral issues with the pediatrician, we were there to seek medical intervention, not parenting strategies. We've already received plenty of those from many other sources.

      In Danielle's case, money is absolutely NOT a motivator. She will spend it if she has it, and doesn't seem to care if she does not. Her curling iron is a much stronger motivator, as it's one of the few things she gives a fig about.


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