We Fired the Pediatrician

A lot has happened since Danielle's most recent explosions at home and at school,  A lot of it, I'm not going to share publicly, because it's complicated and messy, and for the entire story to make sense, we'd have to share a lot of personally identifying information, which I am not prepared to do at this point.  What I will say is that it has involved talking to a lot of people, including school staff, therapists, law enforcement, the crisis hotline, Danielle's pediatrician and even an attorney.

They all say the same thing.  They all give us a list of what we (and they) can't do.  The list is very long and complicated, but if we break it down into its most basic components, it boils down to two things:

1. We can't get Danielle the help that she needs.
2. We can't give custody to someone else -- not to the county, not to another foster home, not even to another adoptive home.  We are stuck.

Everybody agrees that this situation is intolerable and unsafe.  They agree that nobody should have to live this way.  They agree that this isn't good for any of us.  Danielle's explosions are violent and dangerous; her behavior is completely unacceptable.

Yet, they all come back with pretty much the same answer:  There isn't much we can do.

Sure, some of the people we've talked to have agreed to help, but the help they can provide is very, very limited.  Danielle recently qualified for one-on-one therapy that will be provided, at school, by a licensed therapist.  That's great, but it's only for a single hour per week.

I feel like we are trying to sop up the ocean with a single sheet of paper towel.

Several of the mental health professionals we've talked with have been surprised by Danielle's relative lack of medication.  All have recommended that her doctor re-examine her pharmacological interventions.  We sent the pediatrician a formal request for a referral to a psychiatrist, and she responded by screaming at us.

Yes.  She called us up and screamed at us.

Even though we were warned by our current family therapist that firing our pediatrician would result in her counseling services being terminated, this was the last straw.  This was not the first time, or even the second time, that this doctor had unleashed a heap of verbal abuse upon us.  Once, she even screamed at us for taking Danielle to the ER when we thought she might have broken her foot.  Why was she so angry?  Apparently, we were supposed to obtain pre-authorization for an ER visit, which we hadn't done.  We weren't aware of this requirement, but the doctor felt it necessary to yell so loudly that hospital staff looked on with sympathy and rolled their eyes.

I hope the next pediatrician will be more helpful.  If not, perhaps I can at least hope that she won't scream at us for trying to get our kid the medical treatment she needs.

As for our current therapist, I hope that our change in pediatricians won't create an unfortunate cascade of events.  At this point, though, it's clear we need to try a different approach.  Our fired pediatrician had a reputation for being difficult, obstinate and disagreeable, but we were told she was a competent professional.  Our experience proved otherwise.  Her tendency to scream at us, combined with the fact that she would forget important details between visits and deny we'd ever discussed them, finally made us pull the plug.

Here's to hoping that the next doctor will be more willing to listen, and to help.